SNEAK PEEK: Thicker than Water

(This is the second chapter of an unedited work in progress.)

Chapter Two

“Infanticipation”

The pregnancy test sat flat on the floor between my feet. I really should get off the shitter, but nerves kept me sitting on my ass, my pants around my ankles as I watched the test’s miniature electronic window. 

First one gray square appeared.

A second followed.

Annnd a third ….

Fuck, how can this feel so slooow? 

Finally the fourth flashed.

The screen went blank, then …

PREGNANT

My eyes went so wide I’m surprised they didn’t pop outta their sockets and splat on the floor beside the test stick. I blinked. I stared. And I stared some more.

“Ho-ly shit.” I picked up the test. “Pregnant,” I mouthed. “Oh. My. Fucking God, I’m pregnant. I’m preggo, knocked up, gravid, infanticipating.” My brows furrowed and I swallowed hard. “I’m gonna have a baby.” I was on Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride from terrified to excited and back again. “I. Am. Pregnant. Fuck me.” 

I snorted. “Yeah, Zelda, that’s how that happened.” 

But, my doc removed my IUD only two months ago. Two friggin’ months. My endocrinologist said to expect a year before my body would be ready to make a baby. “’At least,’ she said. At least a year before I could expect to conceive because of my thyroid. That lying liar.” Or maybe the woman was incompetent, which I knew wasn’t true. Dr. Villar was very capable.

“Jesus motherfucking Christ, Fertile Myrtle, you got yourself knocked up in record time.”

“Hey, Babe?”

I jumped at Drew’s voice. ”Yeah?” Ooo, I did not sound normal.

“Where are you?”

“Water closet.” I flushed the toilet and pulled up my jeans.

“You okay? You sound weird.”

Ha. Weird doesn’t begin to cover it, Playboy.

It figured Drew would notice. I swear the guy should’ve gone into international espionage. Nothing got past him.

“I’m fine.” Which wasn’t a lie. Freaking out didn’t equal unwell, nor did having a bun in the ole belly oven. I definitely knew the difference. I shoved the test into my back pocket and opened the door as he came into the bathroom. “What’s up?” I went to the sink and started washing my hands, avoiding his gaze. I really needed to process this whole alien baby growing inside me thing, but my brain was like one of those old staticky TVs. Just brrzzzzzz where cogent thoughts should be.

Except, I should have a year. She said it would take a year.

He watched me through narrowed eyes. “Aithan’s at Liquid Mud. You want anything?”

“Yeah, I could use some caffeine. Wait … no …. Maybe?” Shit. So smooth. I was the smoothest. Uh-huh. I dried my hands. What were the rules on caffeine consumption and pregnancy? “Um, just one of their fruity tea blend drink thingies, but not with black tea. Nothing with a lotta caffeine.”

“Ooo-kay. Gotcha.” He slowly looked down at his phone, then typed a reply. The minute he sent it, his gaze shot back to me. “Why’re you weird?”

I shook myself and gave him a half-smile. It was definitely weird. “I’m not weird.” Nope. Just preggers. A fucking little giggle-snort escaped me. “I’m totally fine. Why?”

The concern on his face morphed into confusion, then suspicion. His eyes narrowed again. “You’re up to something.”

Oh, you don’t know the half of it. I narrowed my eyes back at him. “What would I be up to?” I needed to get by him and into my office so I could hide in my recording booth while this new twist in my life sank in. Plus, I didn’t want to tell Drew before Aithan. They should learn the news at the same time. That was only fair and right.

Also, I was most definitely freaking the fuck out.

He folded his arms, his tattooed biceps flexing in a most distracting way. “Wife of mine, woman whom I love and cherish, I have the most unsettling feeling that you’re misleading me.”

“Oh. Well, you asked if I was okay, and I am. I’m one hundred percent okay, husband of mine, light of my life.” I sidled up to him and planted a sweet kiss on his lips. Slipping past, I headed through the main bedroom and into the hallway. 

“What’s in your pocket?”

I slapped my hand over my back pocket and faced him as I kept walking. “Nothing. Are you staring at my ass?” I slipped the test free, turned back around, and put it in my front pocket as I trotted down the stairs.

“Yes. It’s my husbandly duty to ogle my wife’s luscious booty. But now that item appears to have disappeared from the pocket that has the privilege of hugging said beautiful piece of ass.”

“See? I told you there’s nothing in my back pocket.”

The garage door rumbled. Fuck yes. Saved by Aithan. Instead of my second-floor office, I continued down to the first floor.

Drew dogged my steps. “Zelda, I’ve told you before. You’re a fantastically talented voice actress, but a really shitty liar.”

“I don’t know what you’re going on about.” I slapped my ass. “Nothing in my pocket, lover. And I’m totally fine.” I strode through the wide entryway, passed through the dining room, and into the kitchen as the door from the garage creaked open. 

Aithan entered the kitchen carrying a cardboard drink caddy. He offered up a dazzling smile and set the drinks on the counter. “Hi, beautiful. Gimme some sugar.”

Drew followed me into the kitchen. I reached up to wrap my arms around Aithan and kiss him. At which point Drew stepped close and snaked the test from my front pocket. 

The fucking fink.

He smirked at me and turned away, sauntering toward the dining room. “You can’t lie for shhh—” He stopped mid-stride, body going rigid. A breath stuttered out of him. “Shit.” He turned on his heel and his eyes were huge.

I’d never seen such an astonishing array of emotions cross Drew’s face — shock, excitement, and a kind of heart-melting adoration that made my knees weak. 

“Babe,” he whispered as he pulled me out of Aithan’s arms. “You beautiful, cagey, perfect woman. Fuck, I love you.” 

Beside us, Aithan cleared his throat. “You stole my sugar. Why?” 

Drew shoved the test in his general direction without taking his eyes off me. Aithan grabbed it. Drew cradled my face in his hands and started planting kisses on my mouth.

“Is this real or are you two screwing with me?”

I burst out laughing. 

“Real, dipshit!” Drew wrapped his arms around me, and I felt so incredibly loved. 

But no less freaked out.

Aithan stared at the test. “This is real? We’re gonna be dads?” That smile was back and even more dazzling. So dazzling it put the sun to shame.

“Yeah.” I nodded. “That piss stick is the real deal.”

Drew kissed me once more, then stepped behind me and walked me into Aithan’s arms.

Aith whispered, “Kocham cię,” against my mouth. “You’ve made me the happiest man, moje kochanie.”

Good thing they were excited because I was rapidly getting scared shitless.

Aithan caught my waist and boosted me onto the counter. He caged me with his arms, his hands resting on either side of my hips, and eyed me. “You look —"

“Freaked out,” Drew finished. He cocked his head to the side. “And no wonder. That was fast.”

Aithan peered over his shoulder at Drew. “What was?”

“You. Her.” He made a ball shape over his stomach. ”High-speed baby makin’.”

I bit my lip and nodded. “Yeah. I know. That’s why I feel like my life just skidded sideways into a ditch. Dr. Villar and Dr. Jordan both said it would take a year. Not a month!”

Aithan touched my cheek. “Hey. Everything will be fine. We’re all in this together.”

I sighed. “I know, but you guys aren’t the ones growing a Xenomorph.” I made a gesture and a sound like a creature was bursting from my chest, then pointed at my crotch and added, “Only down there.”

I glanced at Drew. His lips were pressed together, and when our gazes met, he lost his shit.

“I’m sorry,” he said while trying to control his laughter, “but that was fuckin’ hilarious.”

Aithan shook his head, but he was chuckling, too.

It should’ve been funny, but I’d misplaced my humor. “It’s not only that, though. I just got my work life back.” 

Sobering, Drew stepped forward. Aithan shifted aside.

“Brick,” Drew said. “Aithan’s right. We’re all in this together. This is a happy thing, and we’ll figure out a way to accommodate all our work schedules, even if that means hiring help.”

The front door creaked open, and Tobias’s voice carried across the foyer. “Where’s my damn coffee?” Aithan’s best friend strode into the kitchen and stopped short when he saw us. “Seriously, man? You’re getting frisky instead of bringing me caffeine? What is wrong with you?” He gave me a sweet smile and added, “Hey, girl, how you doin’ this morning?”

I returned his infectious grin. “I’m fine, Papa Bear. No one’s getting frisky. We’re just having a quick family meeting.”

Aithan pulled cups from the caddy. He gave me one, passed another to Drew, and lastly to Tobias. “We might go to Vashon this weekend.”

“Oh, nice. But not a good enough excuse to keep a man from his coffee. Also, you’re still a shitty liar, Zelda.”

My jaw dropped. Drew and Aithan cracked up. 

Tobias continued, “But, you know, you don’t have to tell me. I’m only, like, as close as you’ve got to a brother. Still, you gotta leave me outta family shit. I get it. It’s cool.” He shrugged. “I’m cool.”

Aithan rolled his eyes and laughed. “Can you believe this guy?”

Tobias shook his head. “What? I’m just sayin’.” He raised the coffee to take a sip.

I crossed my arms. “I’m pregnant.”

Tobias’s brown eyes went huge and he swallowed that mouthful of coffee audibly. He lowered the cup and looked from me to Aithan to Drew. “Wait.” His gaze pinged back and forth between all of us. “Waaait. No shit?”

Aithan shook his head and grinned. “Nie pierdol, man.”

Tobias’s grin lit up the room. “Goddamn! That’s fuckin’ fantastic!”

Green eyes bright, Drew shoved his hands into his pockets and rocked on his heels, as antsy as a kid on Christmas morning. “Can we tell everyone, Brick? I gotta tell the whole fricken world.”

“Parents only.” I shook my head. “Then everyone else in a few months.”

Drew jerked his head toward Tobias. “You told him.”

“Of course I did. He’s Papa Bear.” I hopped off the counter.

Tobias grinned. “I’m Zel’s best brother from another mother.” He pulled his phone from his pocket and took a picture of the three of us. “You’re gonna wanna remember this day.” Then he grabbed my hand and pulled me into a huge Papa Bear hug. Next he hugged Drew, and finally came a big, back-slapping embrace for Aithan. 

I kissed Aithan’s cheek. “We’ll call all the Moms and Dads and Babcia when you’re done for the day.”

He hugged me, lifting me off the ground, then lowering me gently. “Okay. Kocham cię.” He kissed my nose, then turned to leave with Tobias.

“I know. I love you, too.” I swatted his nice ass, then smooched Drew and shooed all three men out of the kitchen. “Back to work, boys. I’m grabbing water, then disappearing into the recording booth for a few hours.”

Which I did. Only no recording happened. Instead, I sat on the blue leather loveseat in my office and stared at nothing. The whole situation felt surreal. How was pregnancy supposed to feel? Physically, nothing had changed. I pulled up my shirt and did some navel gazing. “Nope. No difference.” 

Was I excited? Sorta. Nervous? One hundred percent. Filled to the brim with doubts? Oh, yeah. 

Grateful?

“Huh.”

That one stumped me. I settled my shirt and sipped my fruity drink. Was I grateful? I mean, here I’d gotten knocked up without even trying. A shit-ton of women would kill to be so lucky. I had two hubbies who were beyond excited about becoming dads. Two shit-tons of women would kill to be so lucky. 

“Aithan already has experience with babies and children. And Drew?” I paused and the truth hit me. “Drew deserves this. It’s his chance to be the father he never had.”

Fuck me, that was deep. His father had been an absolute fucking monster and Drew carried around physical and mental scars from his childhood, including an act of brutality that he was forced to commit. He’d seen and felt and done things no child should ever experience. If I could give him some closure to that part of himself and his past, how could I be anything but grateful for the opportunity?

I rested my hand over my stomach. “Wow.”

Drew had once told me to only worry about the good things coming my way and how I’d find the time and attention to juggle all of them.

“That prophetic motherfucker,” I muttered, then laughed at myself. The man was a wonder, and he’d been right.